Ask Lesley
Life coach and eldercare specialist Dr Lesley Trenner offers her professional advice and support for those struggling to cope with caring for ageing parents.
How do I set clear boundaries with a narcissistic mum?
When a mother is a narcissist, daughters can find the relationship becoming even more toxic as the mother gets older and less able to look after themselves. Dr Lesley Trenner offers advice on drawing boundaries and protecting yourself from hostility and ingratitude. Dear Lesley My mum has always been nasty to me and it’s only […]
Read moreHow can I help dad who’s become pessimistic and dependent after his stroke?
Much as we would love to help overcome all the challenges of ageing, we do have to accept that some situations can’t be completely fixed. David’s dad is struggling after a stroke but is resistant to change. Dr Lesley Trenner offers advice on supporting older parents who are facing unwelcome changes in their lives. Dear […]
Read moreWhat to say when they are never coming home
Sometimes it’s incredibly difficult to know what to do for the best. Dr Lesley Trenner offers advice to a reader who’s stuck between kindness and honesty when her mum asks when she can go home from nursing care. Dear Lesley, Gosh this is hard to start. Long story short. Mum caught Covid, went to hospital, […]
Read moreHow can I go back to the office when that means leaving Mum on her own?
Dear Lesley I moved in with my elderly mother at the height of the pandemic as this made it easier to keep an eye on her. Plus I didn’t have to tell anyone at work how much she’d gone downhill or ask for time off for hospital visits etc. which felt a bit ‘career-limiting’. I just log on in the […]
Read moreMy mum’s self-isolating and I’m worried about her state of mind
Dear Lesley I can’t stop worrying about my mum during this lockdown. She’s 85 so she needs to stay at home, and people locally have been great at getting her bits of shopping and her meds and leaving them at her door. The trouble is, she’s not used to being on her own all day, […]
Read moreMum’s behaviour has always hurt. Now dementia is making it worse
Dear Lesley, I’m looking after my 90-year old mum who has some dementia. My problem is her nasty attitude. I’m single and have to work full-time, but I visit mum twice a week and call her a couple of times nearly every day. I try taking her out to new places and for dinner, but she […]
Read moreHow can I care for mum with dementia when I can’t cope myself?
Dear Lesley I’ve recently learned my Mum has mixed dementia. She was diagnosed almost two years ago but I’ve only just found out. Since then she has also got septicaemia and pneumonia, although she’s on the mend from the pneumonia now. I have three brothers and I’m the only girl. I’m also the youngest. My […]
Read moreI’m struggling with my aunt’s reliance on me as her carer
Dear Lesley My aunt had been living in Spain but after losing her husband six years ago her health has deteriorated and she wasn’t taking good care of herself. My sister and I persuaded her to return to the UK and managed to find her a little flat in a block which isn’t exactly warden-aided […]
Read moreMaintaining a relationship when your parent has dementia – a real-life story
Our specialist ageing parent “agony aunt” Lesley Trenner has been talking to people about the emotions around caring for family members living with dementia. Here she tells how sisters Jean and Diane are taking this journey and offers tips to others with the same challenges. When your parent is diagnosed with dementia it can be […]
Read moreHow can I get mum to take my worries about her seriously?
Dear Lesley I’m so worried about my mum. She’s had two falls in the last few months, with the last one resulting in her cutting her head open in three places. After the last fall I took her to see a lovely retirement flat that has a warden but offers independent living. She liked it […]
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