Ask Lesley
Life coach and eldercare specialist Dr Lesley Trenner offers her professional advice and support for those struggling to cope with caring for ageing parents.
How can I go back to the office when that means leaving Mum on her own?
Dear Lesley I moved in with my elderly mother at the height of the pandemic as this made it easier to keep an eye on her. Plus I didn’t have to tell anyone at work how much she’d gone downhill or ask for time off for hospital visits etc. which felt a bit ‘career-limiting’. I just log on in the […]
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My mum’s self-isolating and I’m worried about her state of mind
Dear Lesley I can’t stop worrying about my mum during this lockdown. She’s 85 so she needs to stay at home, and people locally have been great at getting her bits of shopping and her meds and leaving them at her door. The trouble is, she’s not used to being on her own all day, […]
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Mum’s behaviour has always hurt. Now dementia is making it worse
Dear Lesley, I’m looking after my 90-year old mum who has some dementia. My problem is her nasty attitude. I’m single and have to work full-time, but I visit mum twice a week and call her a couple of times nearly every day. I try taking her out to new places and for dinner, but she […]
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How can I care for mum with dementia when I can’t cope myself?
Dear Lesley I’ve recently learned my Mum has mixed dementia. She was diagnosed almost two years ago but I’ve only just found out. Since then she has also got septicaemia and pneumonia, although she’s on the mend from the pneumonia now. I have three brothers and I’m the only girl. I’m also the youngest. My […]
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I’m struggling with my aunt’s reliance on me as her carer
Dear Lesley My aunt had been living in Spain but after losing her husband six years ago her health has deteriorated and she wasn’t taking good care of herself. My sister and I persuaded her to return to the UK and managed to find her a little flat in a block which isn’t exactly warden-aided […]
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Maintaining a relationship when your parent has dementia – a real-life story
Our specialist ageing parent “agony aunt” Lesley Trenner has been talking to people about the emotions around caring for family members living with dementia. Here she tells how sisters Jean and Diane are taking this journey and offers tips to others with the same challenges. When your parent is diagnosed with dementia it can be […]
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How can I get mum to take my worries about her seriously?
Dear Lesley I’m so worried about my mum. She’s had two falls in the last few months, with the last one resulting in her cutting her head open in three places. After the last fall I took her to see a lovely retirement flat that has a warden but offers independent living. She liked it […]
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Who takes responsibility when it’s a more distant relative who needs help?
Dear Lesley We were visiting my parents over the Christmas holiday – I thought the visit would be an opportunity to see how they are getting on, as they are both in their 80s now, and was looking forward to a bit of a break myself. As it turned out, they are not doing so […]
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Does my aunt need to be in a care home or not?
Dear Lesley My elderly aunt is currently living in a care home. She moved there following several near accidents with hot saucepans and irons and some very bad falls. At the time she also appeared to be showing signs of dementia. In her new environment she appears to have completely recovered mentally. Her mobility is […]
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How do I cope with constant repetitive questions?
Dear Lesley I have been asked a question I couldn’t answer today by my neighbour who cares for her mother and a lady she cleans for, both of whom have memory loss. Her mother repeated the same thing 10 times today and the lady she cleans for asked her the same thing 16 times last […]
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