Ask Lesley
Life coach and eldercare specialist Dr Lesley Trenner offers her professional advice and support for those struggling to cope with caring for ageing parents.
Who takes responsibility when it’s a more distant relative who needs help?
Dear Lesley We were visiting my parents over the Christmas holiday – I thought the visit would be an opportunity to see how they are getting on, as they are both in their 80s now, and was looking forward to a bit of a break myself. As it turned out, they are not doing so […]
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Does my aunt need to be in a care home or not?
Dear Lesley My elderly aunt is currently living in a care home. She moved there following several near accidents with hot saucepans and irons and some very bad falls. At the time she also appeared to be showing signs of dementia. In her new environment she appears to have completely recovered mentally. Her mobility is […]
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How do I cope with constant repetitive questions?
Dear Lesley I have been asked a question I couldn’t answer today by my neighbour who cares for her mother and a lady she cleans for, both of whom have memory loss. Her mother repeated the same thing 10 times today and the lady she cleans for asked her the same thing 16 times last […]
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Will I inherit mum’s Alzheimer’s?
Dear Lesley My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago although it was clear for several years before then that she had dementia. I’m 52 years old and worried I’m going down the same path. Mum’s memory was terrible and so is mine. Sometimes it’s big things – I visit somewhere I […]
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Shall I invite Dad to live with us?
Dear Lesley My dad’s been angling to move in with me ever since my mum died. I know it wouldn’t work. He doesn’t get on that well with my teenagers and he’s been very used to having his own way. He doesn’t live that far away and I’m already helping him with shopping, cooking and […]
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How do I get back the happy memories taken by dementia?
Hello Lesley, I like the site very much and wish I had known of it when supporting my elderly parents. Both my parents have passed away now but the journey was hard. They both lived into their 80s but my mother was in a home for nearly eight years, suffering with dementia and my father […]
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When families can’t agree on care
Dear Lesley, All my brother and sisters and I seem to do these days is fight. We used to get on really well. Then mum was diagnosed with dementia and she gave us all Power of Attorney. We argued about when was the right time for her to move into a home and we’ve argued […]
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Dementia is stealing away my hero dad and I feel useless
Dear Lesley, My lovely dad is 73 years old and for the past four years has been suffering from dementia. He has always been my hero and my absolute closest friend but now the dementia is robbing him of mind and body. He’s confused, and often angry and upset, and I just want to scoop […]
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How do I deal with a mean mother?
Dear Lesley, It sounds awful but I have such a struggle with my mother, her constant demands and toxic ‘snidey’ comments. Everything is a crisis, when sometimes the ‘crisis’ is the cable coming out of the back of the TV and the TV not working. What I do is never enough and she is constantly […]
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How to support an elderly carer
Dear Lesley,My father died 15 years ago and my mother has been with a new partner for the last 10 years, although they don’t live together. In some ways their relationship is quite traditional in that he seems to make most of the decisions, pays for meals and holidays, and she drives him around, cooks […]
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