Ask Lesley
Life coach and eldercare specialist Dr Lesley Trenner offers her professional advice and support for those struggling to cope with caring for ageing parents.
Will I inherit mum’s Alzheimer’s?
Dear Lesley My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago although it was clear for several years before then that she had dementia. I’m 52 years old and worried I’m going down the same path. Mum’s memory was terrible and so is mine. Sometimes it’s big things – I visit somewhere I […]
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Shall I invite Dad to live with us?
Dear Lesley My dad’s been angling to move in with me ever since my mum died. I know it wouldn’t work. He doesn’t get on that well with my teenagers and he’s been very used to having his own way. He doesn’t live that far away and I’m already helping him with shopping, cooking and […]
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How do I get back the happy memories taken by dementia?
Hello Lesley, I like the site very much and wish I had known of it when supporting my elderly parents. Both my parents have passed away now but the journey was hard. They both lived into their 80s but my mother was in a home for nearly eight years, suffering with dementia and my father […]
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When families can’t agree on care
Dear Lesley, All my brother and sisters and I seem to do these days is fight. We used to get on really well. Then mum was diagnosed with dementia and she gave us all Power of Attorney. We argued about when was the right time for her to move into a home and we’ve argued […]
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Dementia is stealing away my hero dad and I feel useless
Dear Lesley, My lovely dad is 73 years old and for the past four years has been suffering from dementia. He has always been my hero and my absolute closest friend but now the dementia is robbing him of mind and body. He’s confused, and often angry and upset, and I just want to scoop […]
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How do I deal with a mean mother?
Dear Lesley, It sounds awful but I have such a struggle with my mother, her constant demands and toxic ‘snidey’ comments. Everything is a crisis, when sometimes the ‘crisis’ is the cable coming out of the back of the TV and the TV not working. What I do is never enough and she is constantly […]
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How to support an elderly carer
Dear Lesley,My father died 15 years ago and my mother has been with a new partner for the last 10 years, although they don’t live together. In some ways their relationship is quite traditional in that he seems to make most of the decisions, pays for meals and holidays, and she drives him around, cooks […]
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How to cope when you’re a whistleblower
Dear Lesley, How do people cope if they’ve been the family whistle-blower, trying to report abuse of elderly parents by close relatives? 9 years ago I warned both the NHS and the local social services department that my parents were at risk of abuse. My letters and phone calls were ignored and my visits have […]
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How do I cope with caregiver guilt?
Hi Lesley, My wife is caring for her 78 year old mother who’s fairly physically disabled after suffering a stroke 12 years ago (slight weakness down right side) and spinal arthritis. Her mobility isn’t great. I try to do my share but recently I’ve been working away from home a lot. The stroke also damaged […]
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Talking about your eldercare challenges
When you’re supporting an elderly person you can suddenly find yourself confronted with emotional and practical problems you’re not equipped to face without support. While we know people benefit hugely from our web service we’re now offering the expertise of a life coach and eldercare specialist to answer your individual questions. If you’d like professional […]
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