How to Help Resistant Parents Accept Support
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Watching your parents struggle with everyday living can be emotional, frustrating, and even frightening. When they’re unwell or not as mobile or mentally well as they used to be, you can’t help but worry about their safety and comfort.
However, due to pride or a fear of losing their independence, many parents can be adamant that they don’t need any assistance. Knowing how crucial it is for them to get the support they need, it’s important to learn how to help your resistant parents accept it. These tips may be of value:
Listen to Understand
Illnesses like lung cancer, dementia, and arthritis can mean that additional daily support is crucial for everyday comfort and safety. It can be frustrating when you don’t understand why your parents won’t accept help when they clearly need it. You need to listen to understand.
Rather than focusing on persuading your parents to let someone take care of them, consider the reasons for their resistance. They may feel as though asking for help is admitting weakness or losing control. Some people also worry about judgment or becoming a burden.
When older adults feel heard rather than managed, they may be more likely to open up and talk about their concerns. You can then be one step closer to a solution.
Work Together on Solutions
Language is an important factor in helping older adults access the help they need. Rather than framing assistance as something they need, present it as something that makes their everyday lives more enjoyable.
For example, you may ask them, ‘What would make this task easier for you?’ rather than stating ‘You can’t keep doing this task on your own’. The subtle shift in language enables them to consider possibilities beyond their current situations.
Start Small
You can’t inject yourself into your parents’ lives and change everything about their everyday living. Major adjustments like home care are bound to be met with resistance. That’s why starting small is the best course of action.
For example, when they’re noticeably struggling to maintain their garden, you might suggest hiring someone just as passionate about gardening to take over some of the harder tasks. When they see how helpful that has been, they may be more agreeable to further help, such as house cleaning or a weekly grocery delivery.
Respect their Independence
You and everyone around you may see that your parents can’t live safely and comfortably without help, but that doesn’t mean you should take control and overrule their autonomy immediately.
Even when your concerns are valid, maintaining their independence is tied to their self-worth. Losing that autonomy means losing their sense of self. Where possible, ask for their preferences regarding the help they need, and offer choices rather than directives. You should also strive to involve them in every decision to give them a sense of control.
Use Trusted Voices
Your parents may not be receptive to your ideas, but they could be agreeable to them if they come from someone else. Think about the people in their lives they trust and respect, such as healthcare professionals, friends, and community leaders. If you believe these people may have better luck getting your parents to accept help, don’t be afraid to bring them into the loop.
Getting resistant parents to accept help is no easy feat, and it can take time and thinking outside the box. By respecting their independence, listening to their concerns, and starting small, you may be able to start offering your parents the help and support they need to thrive.
Photo by Hector Reyes on Unsplash